Infinita Tristeza

Do you ever feel that within the deep recesses of your being there is an infinite sadness?
A sadness that you do not visit often but is always there?

I , for one, feel this pain and am reminded of it with any pedestrian trauma. Almost as if they were smaller peaks of a , larger, above-surface iceberg ( 75% is underwater, unseen you know..).

A strange twist ,however, to my pit of un-curable melancholy, is that as often as I feel tinges of this pain during bad times, it is just as much the beautiful and stunning that brings me back to that infinite lonely sentiment...

I almost feel as if it were some sort or life-altering incident that I have lived just a lifetime ago that I can still catch glimpses of. Something heartbreakingly sad that is always lingering at the back of my heart.


Does anyone else feel like that?

Bizzare

Crazy. My dog died. He was 15 years old in human years! You do the math... The last couple of years he's been so old we just let him sleep and eat, if anything I saw him as more of a pain in the butt than a loved pet. But now that he's gone I am questioning my treatment of him...I feel guilty for nit playing with him more..for not being more affectionate.

My clothes are still covered in his white fur :/
RIP Laddie boy July4th 1993

Doucheeee

Making up has been...ok. But of course we have returned to our old ways of fighting and the like about you know who. How unproductive, a true waste of emotional time.
Oh well.
I found someone over Craigslist that wants to speak spanish with me :) I'm excited , I hope it results like I imagined.
The last couple of days i've been resting and recovering from working so much. Sleeping and tanning, yeeeeee.
I have nothing intelligent to say, just thought I'd report on my day to day life.



This is the only thing keeping me going... my beautiful ridiculous juicy keychain :) ( that I did NOT but at 'madbargins')

Sorpresita

Continuing on yesterday's idea....
Isnt it nice to sometimes be proved wrong by the world?
First (or earlier) impressions arent always fully accurate.
Who would think that being proved wrong could feel so good!

Uno nunca se cansa de hablar de si mismo

A ver...
Ive been thinking about what the appeal of blogging is versus writing in a paper journal. I for one love the crispness of a new journal ( and collecting them yiiikes) and the satisfied feeling of accomplishment when I look back on past hand written entries. But writing or typing online is freeing and feels less committal. Almost like a passive way of being aggressive with our feelings and opinions without doing anything too drastic...

As of late, Olive and I have been discussing something that Im sure people our age probably consider quite often. Statements, semi permanent ones about who we are, how we funcion as people. It would be ideal if we could find a way to summarize how we think, react and deal, even better if we could sum it up in a catchy three line paragraph in our 'About Me'. But I am finding out these can only exist honestly for a certain amount of time before they spoil. Though we might feel embarrassed when we catch ourselves enjoying that food we swore we hated, or silly when we look back on those all or nothing statements about who we are, remember that no matter how hard we try there is no way that we can sum ourselves up in three sentences or even a long paragraph.
But wouldn't you prefer it that way?
I know I do.

Inspiration

Some things that have been inspiring me...
-Fafi and her fafettes
-notcot!!
-Alicia Keyes
-Ruben Dario
-"Wanderlust"
-Frida Khalo
-Katchafire
-Being forced to survive
without soy chais
-Spring dresses
-chocolate covered madellines
-Travel writing
-chocolate slimfast shakes
-micro loans
-the library
-'Daisy' Marc Jacobs
-"Al Diablo con Los Guapos"
-"Sexy can I...?"
-San Diego Weather

Caring is Creepy

Despues de todo esre tiempo mis ideales y cosas de importancia han cambiado bastante. Aunque ya no lo quiero por razones amorosos, lo quiero mucho como amigo y lamentablemente se lo pueden encontrar en mi casa varias veces por semana. Los demas han desaparecidos por decisiones mios. Lamento decir que a llegar en California de vuelta me olvide completamente escribir y anotar todo lo que vivi alla. Aunque obviamente no lo voy a OLVIDAR quise escribir en mi agenda y acordarme de los detalles... Estuve trabajando bastante pero la jefa me cambi todo y las ultims semana strabaje solo 4 horas por semana. Esto me hace encabronar bastante al hecho de que todavia debo $750 a mi papa ( y me lo recuerda todos los dias). Por unos segundos pense que me gustaba de un chico de mi trabaja. Aunque nada concreto paso creo que ya se olvido y ya no le importa de mi... Tenemos una gran diferencia de edades y yo diria q su deseo de alejarse fue por eso. Y por supuesto esto me ha dejado sentiendo bastante mal... con que de que siento como mis relaciones nunca llegan a ser a lo que yo espero.Uno puede decir que tengo las expectativas demasiadas altas , pero asi soy. Espero mucho de mis amigos, de la vida y hsta mis compras. Seria lindo q un dia algo cumpla con algunas de ellas.... No se si jamas encontraria felicidad en esta forma.. ( o sea atraves de una relacion romantica) ...por ahora parece imposible y diria que tengo el corazon helado auqnue todos sabemos q no precisa mucho para que me enamora de nuevo. Entonces por ahora me quiero enfocar en tres cosas: 1) mis estudios que por aca me van bastante bien , esto incluye planear todo para bsas o el ano q viene 2) mi saud, peso y mi bienestar, incluyendo mi peso 3) junta plata!!! :)


eso es todo....mas despuesss.....